I have had my triumphs in the past with hot women, but out of all the stories I have written, it is this mini story that I consider perhaps my greatest achievement.

So Axe, Jason, and I met up with these three girls today in the afternoon. We met and hooked up with them last night at Casino Royale, Las Vegas. They were cute then, but abominable today. Whatever. Having eaten a sloppy chilidog at 6:30 in the morning for a "late night snack," I had the farts. Real bad. Not the quick ones. The slow lingering ones.

On the way to their hotel room, I laid a fart in the hallway: The foreshock.

Once in the room, it was conceivable to hold in my farts out of respect for oxygen. But due the disappointment in quality of these three girls, I decided to not hold in any follow-up farts. So I unleashed…in their room…with no regard for human life.

Results of the first fart:

Jason: Oh come on!

Axe: (Laughing)

Girl 1: Oh my God! (Runs to bathroom)

Girl 2: ….and then there were these guys trying to—what the fuck!? Oh my God!!! It smells like shit!! (Runs to bathroom)

Girl 3: (Runs to bathroom)

Me: (Laughing uncontrollably)

The girls stayed in the bathroom for three minutes, finally venturing out cautiously. The complaining continued…from everyone.

Two minutes later, I farted again. But at least this time I actually considered other people's feelings, ultimately deciding to unleash anyway.

Results of the second fart:

Bad.

A few moments after detonation, the girls ran into the bathroom, this time in a flurry of screams, shrieks, and blurs. Then one of the girls came out of the bathroom. "Oh my God! Jan is puking!" she exclaimed.

I had to see this for myself. Laughing, I got up and saw Jan holding a see-through trash bag full of orange vomit.

"I think you guys had better go," Girl 1 said. We left the room.

Pride.